-here's another one-
i just love what she wrote this time...hahahah Kewl Tita...i'm so proud of you...
Mwah Mwah.
Suck It Up
by Sweet Sexy Thing/Happinezs
Ahhh…mundane biography
I’m more erratically freaky than I gave myself credit for. Just as sometimes you cannot fathom everything we go to face. If the walls aren’t painted and or the buildings are too high and nobody could determine what floor you’re able to climb with all your human strength using the fire exit. We wonder all the time the choices we took that affects some people. And sometimes we are not allowed to be tired because you have to be strong for somebody but that somebody never looks the way you lengthen your rope just ease up the whole thing. The complex of everything was snarled and yet you should start pulling everything you need to get things right though it doesn’t really made sense and you end up screwed. But there’s no way of getting out and no point of stopping because you have to fight and survive, then play your role well. Its so funny when you cannot choose what you really wanted after all and things work out like you’re stuck in your computer that is older than you are and you cannot do whatever your work demand you to because your annoying company hadn’t given you the good compensation you deserved as much as the computer don’t deserved to be upgraded because the company has been trimming down expenses to save some stupid peso for whatever purpose they’re up to. One more thing, it keeps repeating in my head— alpha gets upset coz you date a gorgeous guy just because she thinks you don’t deserve to date him. And she has a big mouth to tell everybody that she’s prettier than you are. —Damn, can some people get a life and be happy for other people’s lives? She’s earning triple higher than I do. She’s in touch with her family four hours to sum it all, every day and been on line the whole hours she’s in her room and plays the alpha role. What more you could ask for? What’s her problem? Sometime she mouthed that we should switch tables for wearing fancy clothes. Whoa! For the love of fashion. Humor me.. I cannot run down the things that are too crappy but definitely getting into my nerves routinely. Ugh! If only I could ditch this and move on. I don’t know how well…good enough my choices are. I’m damn coward! Nobody cares if I’m quitting and worse I’ll pay up for that nonsense move. Wish I could sleep and wake to the time that’s everything’s a little less pain in the ass even. Wish I woke after this excruciating inert that I’m already one of the bloodsuckers in Forks. That’s lifeless and cool, huh.—I’m stuck in my character in a book; forever frozen and remembered by somebody who cares to read it.— But this reality, and it is easy and boring after all, and the challenge is to survive in this small mangled course I’m into. People and friends were there, they come and go …that’s cute and they make your life enjoying. They stayed when they needed you for a while and be with them some time and that is perennial cycle. Our paths are crossed with purposes and we’re never the same boat regardless. Their misery was never a big deal just don’t evade my sanctuary, and my chaotic little principle. I thank them for helping my life well enough and my mostly, the basic, my family, I wish I’m theirs’ really. As much they’re mine to go home to. Thanks almost also to my mother and father who has chose me to be alive and discard me after. I’m smarter enough to bring my existence with compulsory guts to the fittest of my limited capabilities, with the help of my family who gave me family. My family who needed me that I’m remorseful of being lame to do a better situation of serving them well. My mind really doesn’t function well, does it?.. On my own and useless, which I played safe long enough to be crazy contented under any circumstance I’m into. God has better patience on me and my little chaotic principle. I’m learning to be responsible in every way I do and grab. That’s necessary. I just hope this would come to a final consistence of gratification. Some pretense made sense and regain what it’s suppose to be. It’s never too late for those who are brave, and lucky? To the deepest desires I still yearn would embrace the totality of me and meet me at the boarders I’m trying to reach. Finish line is far and I should put some unwanted stuff down to a lighter course and the journey would’ve made effortless worthy. Now I’m here stuck and I’m sensible freak because I need to. Same story at the lame insensitive alpha. Nevertheless, we should circumvent our comfort zones and put in what’s better rather than the best.
Yeah, it’s another day today and I woke cold and I always have a before bath drink to keep my system warmed before the cold water touches my skin. I thought of the clothes I’ll be wearing today, every Wednesday of almost a year now since we had our new sets of uniform. Black, I believe black is the absence of all colors. It’s a humor that I should prefer wearing them at work, thinking work is the absence of the colors of life, I mean not work actually but being in that building and the misery that’s with me since the first time I set my eyes on that dark place with lights and everything stuff in there, as if I’m at the portal of place with fire and grief. Good thing fluorescents are brighter at our office. But there I knew that not all things were materialized with how it’s suppose to be because it’s how you see it in the whole picture of what you seem to be that made it less agonizing. It’s taking the important and throws the rubbish. I was brought up to hold no grudge of things and just deal of what’s there. I think it made me easy to take everything lightly and learning some along. I never bother wanting anything rather be contentedly working and living normally without thinking much where I’m headed to. Everything seems hard but I enjoyed neglecting a lot of things rather being diplomatic about the feelings only. That’s my weakness, I cannot afford to hurt intentionally just for my own defense. I’m selfish in my own ways but I couldn’t care less with complications as much as I stayed away from pains and problems. I don’t practice taking risks with myself if I’m not a soldier to it. I thought of myself sometimes as coward. But I just see it differently. Sometimes I thought of I might need somebody helpful to check out on me.Hah! But those are the top list of my chaotic little principle. And it was twisted recently just because things are more irrational rather to leave ones morality undefended and abused. I never have a critical judgment on people’s bad intentions in many situations—-but I believe with my instincts drives me to stay away from their inevitable threatening fallacies that protect their own irrational selfishness; by leaving the situation helpless— if cannot do anything about it but if it concerns me, my survival instincts drives me to run from it or leave myself undefended rather shielding. Coward am I and useless. I really don’t realize if somebody appreciates this nor understands what I’m talking about. I’m more complicated myself than the things around me. I really don’t realize what’s this all about but I just want to share what’s in my head the vague things that’s been running every single second that I live through. I guess nobody understands better me, maybe Jin or somebody witty enough to penetrate my totality animated with worldly naturalness.
But I love my music everyday stocked in my winamp. That made everything worth living. Hah! That’s one of my indulgences beyond complications of things. That makes me, me. I worked neatly with my task today and I’ll be prepared for the general meeting this afternoon while catching up to get this blog finished. I really don’t write much but I wanna rein my tantrums this way. Anyway, today is very normal lifelessly the same as the other days. Nothing worth worrying with this petty monotonous…working hours. Probably my day would end up with a resentful apology for my cowardice. My spirit is lost? I’m not sure.. Where’s the future? Filthy useless crap..me.
~ by sst-023 on February 11, 2009.
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