Message: Okay this is called 50 FIRST REACTIONS... type what comes to your mind FIRST whenever you hear these 50 words. Don't think and don't go back and change. Doesn't matter how random just type it!
These are my Reactions
1. Beer: Masarap pag malamig
2. Food: Hot Chocolate and Suman..whew
3. Relationships: Compromise
4. Your CRUSH: Sino Veh...husband ko...
5. Power Rangers: Green...
6. Life: is short...live to the fullest
7. The President: :) NC
8. Yummy: Four Cheese Pizza
9. Cars: The last thing that I'll purchase in my whole life
10. Movie: The Sound of Music
11. Halloween: ScARY
12. Sex: :)) IS meant to be shared by 2 people who are in love
13. Religion: Catholic ...
14. Hate: is the last thing you should feel
15. Fear: Height
16. Marriage: is sacred
17. Blondes: beautiful
18. Slippers: Dupe pa rin ako
19. Shoes: Converse sneakers...longing to have one
20. Asians: :) ako din
21. Past time: watching movies and reading
22. One night stand: Nah sorry...
23. Cell Phone: Useful
24. Smoke: I am not into that
25. Fantasy: love that...
26. College: fun and memorable
27. Highschool Life: LOL...fun din...
28. Pajamas: Comfy, but i can't wear them... i sleep on my panties alone...LOL :JOKE
29. Stars: are enticing...
30. Fitness Center: :) dont care about them.bhwhahha
31. Alcohol: :S for desperate people...
32. The word love: im into that
33. Friends: should be treasured
34. Money: is a must but not a way of life
35. Heartache: bwahhaha...twas twas fun...
36. Time: is precious...
37. Divorce: Against it;)
38. Dogs: are adorable...
39. Undies: M&S, addicted to it...:D
40. Parents: lovable...can't live without them
41. Babies: wehee...m waiting and dying to have one...
42. Ex: sorry dont have one...
43. Song: none
44. Color: Purpleeeeeee
45. Weddings: mine was fun
46. Pizza: :) my fave
47. Hangout: :) opis, bahay, NBS
49. Goal: happy life
50. Inspiration: My Family and John
Friday, 20 February 2009
1, 2, 3, 4 post
RETURN DIRECTIONS:
Now, here's what you're supposed to do ... if you want to.
Copy and paste this into a new note.
Erase my answers and type in your answers.
The theory is that you will learn a lot of little-known facts about those who know you.
Four names that people call me:
1. Jinny
2. Jin
3. Jintabs
4. Bayot
Four jobs I have had:
1. Front Office Clerk/Receptionist
2. Resident Manager
3. Account Executive
4. Wife :)
Four movies I would watch more than once:
1. The Sound of Music
2. Mamma Mia
3. I am Sam
4. Nights in Rodanthe
Four places I have lived:
1. Baybay, Leyte
2. Buyong Maribago Mactan Island Cebu
3. Sumilon Island Oslob Cebu
4. Makati City
Four places I have been:
1. Tagaytay
2. La Union
3. ----
4. ----
Four People who e-mail me (regularly):
1. Jeanine
2. Ms. Dianne
3. Ms. Edna
4. Ms. Marge
Four of my favorite foods:
1. Pizza
2. Champorado
3. Hot Chocolate
4. Apple Turn-over
Four places I'd rather be right now:
1. Baybay
2. Cebu
3. Austria
4. Australia
Four friends I think will respond:
1. Yule
2. Karen
3. Jenna
4. Wala na
Four things I am looking forward to this year:
1. Trip to Palawan
2. Hope to have a baby this year
3. Go out of the country
4. Have my own DSLR Cam
Four TV shows that I watch:
1. Tayong Dalawa
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. Ellen
4. American Idol
Now, here's what you're supposed to do ... if you want to.
Copy and paste this into a new note.
Erase my answers and type in your answers.
The theory is that you will learn a lot of little-known facts about those who know you.
Four names that people call me:
1. Jinny
2. Jin
3. Jintabs
4. Bayot
Four jobs I have had:
1. Front Office Clerk/Receptionist
2. Resident Manager
3. Account Executive
4. Wife :)
Four movies I would watch more than once:
1. The Sound of Music
2. Mamma Mia
3. I am Sam
4. Nights in Rodanthe
Four places I have lived:
1. Baybay, Leyte
2. Buyong Maribago Mactan Island Cebu
3. Sumilon Island Oslob Cebu
4. Makati City
Four places I have been:
1. Tagaytay
2. La Union
3. ----
4. ----
Four People who e-mail me (regularly):
1. Jeanine
2. Ms. Dianne
3. Ms. Edna
4. Ms. Marge
Four of my favorite foods:
1. Pizza
2. Champorado
3. Hot Chocolate
4. Apple Turn-over
Four places I'd rather be right now:
1. Baybay
2. Cebu
3. Austria
4. Australia
Four friends I think will respond:
1. Yule
2. Karen
3. Jenna
4. Wala na
Four things I am looking forward to this year:
1. Trip to Palawan
2. Hope to have a baby this year
3. Go out of the country
4. Have my own DSLR Cam
Four TV shows that I watch:
1. Tayong Dalawa
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. Ellen
4. American Idol
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
Suck It Up by: SweetSexyThing
-here's another one-
i just love what she wrote this time...hahahah Kewl Tita...i'm so proud of you...
Mwah Mwah.
Suck It Up
by Sweet Sexy Thing/Happinezs
Ahhh…mundane biography
I’m more erratically freaky than I gave myself credit for. Just as sometimes you cannot fathom everything we go to face. If the walls aren’t painted and or the buildings are too high and nobody could determine what floor you’re able to climb with all your human strength using the fire exit. We wonder all the time the choices we took that affects some people. And sometimes we are not allowed to be tired because you have to be strong for somebody but that somebody never looks the way you lengthen your rope just ease up the whole thing. The complex of everything was snarled and yet you should start pulling everything you need to get things right though it doesn’t really made sense and you end up screwed. But there’s no way of getting out and no point of stopping because you have to fight and survive, then play your role well. Its so funny when you cannot choose what you really wanted after all and things work out like you’re stuck in your computer that is older than you are and you cannot do whatever your work demand you to because your annoying company hadn’t given you the good compensation you deserved as much as the computer don’t deserved to be upgraded because the company has been trimming down expenses to save some stupid peso for whatever purpose they’re up to. One more thing, it keeps repeating in my head— alpha gets upset coz you date a gorgeous guy just because she thinks you don’t deserve to date him. And she has a big mouth to tell everybody that she’s prettier than you are. —Damn, can some people get a life and be happy for other people’s lives? She’s earning triple higher than I do. She’s in touch with her family four hours to sum it all, every day and been on line the whole hours she’s in her room and plays the alpha role. What more you could ask for? What’s her problem? Sometime she mouthed that we should switch tables for wearing fancy clothes. Whoa! For the love of fashion. Humor me.. I cannot run down the things that are too crappy but definitely getting into my nerves routinely. Ugh! If only I could ditch this and move on. I don’t know how well…good enough my choices are. I’m damn coward! Nobody cares if I’m quitting and worse I’ll pay up for that nonsense move. Wish I could sleep and wake to the time that’s everything’s a little less pain in the ass even. Wish I woke after this excruciating inert that I’m already one of the bloodsuckers in Forks. That’s lifeless and cool, huh.—I’m stuck in my character in a book; forever frozen and remembered by somebody who cares to read it.— But this reality, and it is easy and boring after all, and the challenge is to survive in this small mangled course I’m into. People and friends were there, they come and go …that’s cute and they make your life enjoying. They stayed when they needed you for a while and be with them some time and that is perennial cycle. Our paths are crossed with purposes and we’re never the same boat regardless. Their misery was never a big deal just don’t evade my sanctuary, and my chaotic little principle. I thank them for helping my life well enough and my mostly, the basic, my family, I wish I’m theirs’ really. As much they’re mine to go home to. Thanks almost also to my mother and father who has chose me to be alive and discard me after. I’m smarter enough to bring my existence with compulsory guts to the fittest of my limited capabilities, with the help of my family who gave me family. My family who needed me that I’m remorseful of being lame to do a better situation of serving them well. My mind really doesn’t function well, does it?.. On my own and useless, which I played safe long enough to be crazy contented under any circumstance I’m into. God has better patience on me and my little chaotic principle. I’m learning to be responsible in every way I do and grab. That’s necessary. I just hope this would come to a final consistence of gratification. Some pretense made sense and regain what it’s suppose to be. It’s never too late for those who are brave, and lucky? To the deepest desires I still yearn would embrace the totality of me and meet me at the boarders I’m trying to reach. Finish line is far and I should put some unwanted stuff down to a lighter course and the journey would’ve made effortless worthy. Now I’m here stuck and I’m sensible freak because I need to. Same story at the lame insensitive alpha. Nevertheless, we should circumvent our comfort zones and put in what’s better rather than the best.
Yeah, it’s another day today and I woke cold and I always have a before bath drink to keep my system warmed before the cold water touches my skin. I thought of the clothes I’ll be wearing today, every Wednesday of almost a year now since we had our new sets of uniform. Black, I believe black is the absence of all colors. It’s a humor that I should prefer wearing them at work, thinking work is the absence of the colors of life, I mean not work actually but being in that building and the misery that’s with me since the first time I set my eyes on that dark place with lights and everything stuff in there, as if I’m at the portal of place with fire and grief. Good thing fluorescents are brighter at our office. But there I knew that not all things were materialized with how it’s suppose to be because it’s how you see it in the whole picture of what you seem to be that made it less agonizing. It’s taking the important and throws the rubbish. I was brought up to hold no grudge of things and just deal of what’s there. I think it made me easy to take everything lightly and learning some along. I never bother wanting anything rather be contentedly working and living normally without thinking much where I’m headed to. Everything seems hard but I enjoyed neglecting a lot of things rather being diplomatic about the feelings only. That’s my weakness, I cannot afford to hurt intentionally just for my own defense. I’m selfish in my own ways but I couldn’t care less with complications as much as I stayed away from pains and problems. I don’t practice taking risks with myself if I’m not a soldier to it. I thought of myself sometimes as coward. But I just see it differently. Sometimes I thought of I might need somebody helpful to check out on me.Hah! But those are the top list of my chaotic little principle. And it was twisted recently just because things are more irrational rather to leave ones morality undefended and abused. I never have a critical judgment on people’s bad intentions in many situations—-but I believe with my instincts drives me to stay away from their inevitable threatening fallacies that protect their own irrational selfishness; by leaving the situation helpless— if cannot do anything about it but if it concerns me, my survival instincts drives me to run from it or leave myself undefended rather shielding. Coward am I and useless. I really don’t realize if somebody appreciates this nor understands what I’m talking about. I’m more complicated myself than the things around me. I really don’t realize what’s this all about but I just want to share what’s in my head the vague things that’s been running every single second that I live through. I guess nobody understands better me, maybe Jin or somebody witty enough to penetrate my totality animated with worldly naturalness.
But I love my music everyday stocked in my winamp. That made everything worth living. Hah! That’s one of my indulgences beyond complications of things. That makes me, me. I worked neatly with my task today and I’ll be prepared for the general meeting this afternoon while catching up to get this blog finished. I really don’t write much but I wanna rein my tantrums this way. Anyway, today is very normal lifelessly the same as the other days. Nothing worth worrying with this petty monotonous…working hours. Probably my day would end up with a resentful apology for my cowardice. My spirit is lost? I’m not sure.. Where’s the future? Filthy useless crap..me.
~ by sst-023 on February 11, 2009.
i just love what she wrote this time...hahahah Kewl Tita...i'm so proud of you...
Mwah Mwah.
Suck It Up
by Sweet Sexy Thing/Happinezs
Ahhh…mundane biography
I’m more erratically freaky than I gave myself credit for. Just as sometimes you cannot fathom everything we go to face. If the walls aren’t painted and or the buildings are too high and nobody could determine what floor you’re able to climb with all your human strength using the fire exit. We wonder all the time the choices we took that affects some people. And sometimes we are not allowed to be tired because you have to be strong for somebody but that somebody never looks the way you lengthen your rope just ease up the whole thing. The complex of everything was snarled and yet you should start pulling everything you need to get things right though it doesn’t really made sense and you end up screwed. But there’s no way of getting out and no point of stopping because you have to fight and survive, then play your role well. Its so funny when you cannot choose what you really wanted after all and things work out like you’re stuck in your computer that is older than you are and you cannot do whatever your work demand you to because your annoying company hadn’t given you the good compensation you deserved as much as the computer don’t deserved to be upgraded because the company has been trimming down expenses to save some stupid peso for whatever purpose they’re up to. One more thing, it keeps repeating in my head— alpha gets upset coz you date a gorgeous guy just because she thinks you don’t deserve to date him. And she has a big mouth to tell everybody that she’s prettier than you are. —Damn, can some people get a life and be happy for other people’s lives? She’s earning triple higher than I do. She’s in touch with her family four hours to sum it all, every day and been on line the whole hours she’s in her room and plays the alpha role. What more you could ask for? What’s her problem? Sometime she mouthed that we should switch tables for wearing fancy clothes. Whoa! For the love of fashion. Humor me.. I cannot run down the things that are too crappy but definitely getting into my nerves routinely. Ugh! If only I could ditch this and move on. I don’t know how well…good enough my choices are. I’m damn coward! Nobody cares if I’m quitting and worse I’ll pay up for that nonsense move. Wish I could sleep and wake to the time that’s everything’s a little less pain in the ass even. Wish I woke after this excruciating inert that I’m already one of the bloodsuckers in Forks. That’s lifeless and cool, huh.—I’m stuck in my character in a book; forever frozen and remembered by somebody who cares to read it.— But this reality, and it is easy and boring after all, and the challenge is to survive in this small mangled course I’m into. People and friends were there, they come and go …that’s cute and they make your life enjoying. They stayed when they needed you for a while and be with them some time and that is perennial cycle. Our paths are crossed with purposes and we’re never the same boat regardless. Their misery was never a big deal just don’t evade my sanctuary, and my chaotic little principle. I thank them for helping my life well enough and my mostly, the basic, my family, I wish I’m theirs’ really. As much they’re mine to go home to. Thanks almost also to my mother and father who has chose me to be alive and discard me after. I’m smarter enough to bring my existence with compulsory guts to the fittest of my limited capabilities, with the help of my family who gave me family. My family who needed me that I’m remorseful of being lame to do a better situation of serving them well. My mind really doesn’t function well, does it?.. On my own and useless, which I played safe long enough to be crazy contented under any circumstance I’m into. God has better patience on me and my little chaotic principle. I’m learning to be responsible in every way I do and grab. That’s necessary. I just hope this would come to a final consistence of gratification. Some pretense made sense and regain what it’s suppose to be. It’s never too late for those who are brave, and lucky? To the deepest desires I still yearn would embrace the totality of me and meet me at the boarders I’m trying to reach. Finish line is far and I should put some unwanted stuff down to a lighter course and the journey would’ve made effortless worthy. Now I’m here stuck and I’m sensible freak because I need to. Same story at the lame insensitive alpha. Nevertheless, we should circumvent our comfort zones and put in what’s better rather than the best.
Yeah, it’s another day today and I woke cold and I always have a before bath drink to keep my system warmed before the cold water touches my skin. I thought of the clothes I’ll be wearing today, every Wednesday of almost a year now since we had our new sets of uniform. Black, I believe black is the absence of all colors. It’s a humor that I should prefer wearing them at work, thinking work is the absence of the colors of life, I mean not work actually but being in that building and the misery that’s with me since the first time I set my eyes on that dark place with lights and everything stuff in there, as if I’m at the portal of place with fire and grief. Good thing fluorescents are brighter at our office. But there I knew that not all things were materialized with how it’s suppose to be because it’s how you see it in the whole picture of what you seem to be that made it less agonizing. It’s taking the important and throws the rubbish. I was brought up to hold no grudge of things and just deal of what’s there. I think it made me easy to take everything lightly and learning some along. I never bother wanting anything rather be contentedly working and living normally without thinking much where I’m headed to. Everything seems hard but I enjoyed neglecting a lot of things rather being diplomatic about the feelings only. That’s my weakness, I cannot afford to hurt intentionally just for my own defense. I’m selfish in my own ways but I couldn’t care less with complications as much as I stayed away from pains and problems. I don’t practice taking risks with myself if I’m not a soldier to it. I thought of myself sometimes as coward. But I just see it differently. Sometimes I thought of I might need somebody helpful to check out on me.Hah! But those are the top list of my chaotic little principle. And it was twisted recently just because things are more irrational rather to leave ones morality undefended and abused. I never have a critical judgment on people’s bad intentions in many situations—-but I believe with my instincts drives me to stay away from their inevitable threatening fallacies that protect their own irrational selfishness; by leaving the situation helpless— if cannot do anything about it but if it concerns me, my survival instincts drives me to run from it or leave myself undefended rather shielding. Coward am I and useless. I really don’t realize if somebody appreciates this nor understands what I’m talking about. I’m more complicated myself than the things around me. I really don’t realize what’s this all about but I just want to share what’s in my head the vague things that’s been running every single second that I live through. I guess nobody understands better me, maybe Jin or somebody witty enough to penetrate my totality animated with worldly naturalness.
But I love my music everyday stocked in my winamp. That made everything worth living. Hah! That’s one of my indulgences beyond complications of things. That makes me, me. I worked neatly with my task today and I’ll be prepared for the general meeting this afternoon while catching up to get this blog finished. I really don’t write much but I wanna rein my tantrums this way. Anyway, today is very normal lifelessly the same as the other days. Nothing worth worrying with this petty monotonous…working hours. Probably my day would end up with a resentful apology for my cowardice. My spirit is lost? I’m not sure.. Where’s the future? Filthy useless crap..me.
~ by sst-023 on February 11, 2009.
the art of letting go
- this is a blog written by my tita...-
im just posting it right here...for other people to read it and somehow learn from it. -enjoy reading
THE ART OF LETTING GO
by: SweetSexyThing/Happinezs
I could never realize how am gonna face life without the person I loved deeply and who loved me for who I am. That he will never be mine forever. He will marry the girl who will bear his child. And I cannot get him back just like usual break ups because of third party.
She was his girl in his town that I never realized she could ever exist. I didn’t see it coming. Everything was good or so I thought, and we’re happy together for a year or so. We went to work together everyday for 8 to 10 hours a day 24-7. I could not care less if he’s having he’s off once a month to visit his hometown. And I don’t know why I don’t go with him and see his parents every time he invited me to. I was so confident that he loved me so much and he could not find somebody better than me, after all he won my heart over our boss and another two guys he conquer just to have me. We worked together and have fun and love each other everyday in a restobar we were working. Everyday he would receive a note from me, posted on his locker during breaks or on his dtr with a kiss mark on it, when ever our shifts don’t end with the same time. And he would show it me it the next day; it’s like bringing his reports to me, and of course, followed by a sweet kiss not to mention the safest hug ever. And if we got the same schedule together, I would help him dress up and put buttons of his polo and then again end it with a kiss. And he would never eat without me, for God’s sake, even if he hasn’t all day long and we’ll end up eating a large meal together. He took care of me everyday because he told me he’s just thanking me for loving him so much. He was my life that time. You see, that’s my routine. How could I ever forget every inch of him in his suit and his scent during early shifts and during peak hours. I was young, in love and happy. I would not exchange him in anything because I believed that he’s the only thing I got. My happiness and my home. I would not say it’s perfect; I wasn’t really like living a dream, of happy in-love and secure life. But I would never dream of anything but having him by my side and being happy of the few things we have, and I ever believed in contentment at that time. But I could say, I’ve never been happy ever, in a relationship. Some of my past relationships screwed me up. After all, all women dreamt of having a night shining armor that would love and take good care of them. And we’re good until that devastation happened. We never had a closure.
I can’t ever forget the day when one of our co-employees received a text message and out of shock he showed it to me;
“ Pakisabi kay Mark pupunta ako OB Gyne bukas, masakit yung tyan ko, kelangan nyang umuwi “ Michelle
And I can’t believe that I really saw his face go red when he read the message and looked at me as if I could understand what it meant. Then he asks permission from our manager that he needs to go. I really am not sure how my life was after that. We didn’t talk about it. We worked together but we ignored each other as if we don’t know each other. One day he decided to approach me but I thought I don’t deserve to know the whole story like the way he’s faking. All along had I thought that there’s a pregnant girl all the while our relationship was there. Then I decided to quit my job.
He tried to stop me and offered marriage instead. But all I can think is the child, and I cannot deprive the child to grow without a father. Growing and living each day with pain and rejection like me.
When I lost him, I forced myself to live again. I had my new job, changed my lifestyle, moved to a new place and start anew. It was very very hard but I didn’t have a choice. My dignity and I, was the only thing I got that time. I can’t sleep well for months; all I do is cry and cry but prayed, very hard. I even knelt and begged at the altar of a church just to ease the pain. I don’t know how long did I cry and mend. I didn’t realize how long pain stayed in my system. I can’t even turn my head to the boutique where we usually buy his cologne. I can’t go to the places where we usually hang out. I don’t eat the food we usually eat. I tried to cut all the communications to the people that were connected to us. I did everything to forget that part of my life. But the hardest part of it was enjoying the pain in me. Living in pain and believing that it’s easier to get hurt rather fighting for your right to love and be happy. I had loved. Loved a man to the finest way I knew and lost him to the roughest way I ever known. I never thought of loving again. And if I have to, I would give anything to make it last with me, only me.
Nevertheless, I am an abandoned child…I never knew where do I exactly came from and who my parents were, personally. They just left me in a neighbor, a couple who just lost their 17 year old daughter due to heart failure. Can’t you see,” I’m a blessing!” And I grew up in a complete family who took care and love me more than my loser biological parents should have done.
I believe that’s the reason why I cling to a person who gives me time and care. I never dreamed of having the best things in life actually but having somebody with me and making things possible, I know that’s more than enough.
If everybody would think I’m normal and happy, eventually I have a complete family, never did perfect but I was blessed. As I grew older and started to figured out things, pain and loss was my disease. It’s an unwanted feeling of emptiness and rejection which I try to overcome, everyday. Every time I witness heartbreaks, failures, frustrations of other people and mine, fear sucks and it’s eating me. I never knew this cloak of grief would rest on me. I’m the usual girl everybody sees and think of who I am, but there’s more to heal inside of me..I don’t know how this could ever be cured.
Four years flew fast…It’s been four long years since that incident happened. Never had I thought how hard to live each day picking up the broken pieces of me, until one fine day, August 20, 2008, our ways cross again. The man I used to love. We bumped unexpectedly and decided to have a few talk in a coffee shop. God, it was so beautiful! Life is really so mysterious, isn’t it?
I could never feel any pain or regret. All I can see is the man who helped me learn to face the battle of loss and pain. I should have known how it feels good to let go and move on for good. Sometimes we should let ourselves get hurt for a while just to make things right.
But I could still see and feel how guilty he is. I really feel sorry for him deep inside. He said he’s fine, the usual family man but his choice changes his life he said. It wasn’t a bad choice though but he said it’s a thing that an unplanned choices usually broke a man’s direction anyhow..That every single wrong move will never get back your life back again. I wish him faith and happiness of his choices. Everything serves purpose, I realized that very moment.
Loss and pain is just a part of my journey. It was never only about it actually. It’s about how to continue healing and moving forward of where my choices would lead me to. No matter how incomplete we are.. but we still the are ones who are in charge of own happiness, ..our own choices. I also believe finding one true love will heal this disease completely. I know I have so much to give and I will find, in time.
Loving and be loved is everybody’s dream that few could ever find peacefully. We are here for different purposes and missions, everyday we journey building our destiny and looking back every choice we made, and the outcome is what we just deserve.
To those who are lost and in pain, just hold to your deepest desires in this life, for letting go is actually finding something stronger, a beautiful reason why sometimes we need to stop. Every wound heals and leaves scars that tells story. A story that will define us and will motivate us to make our lives even better. We all continue to journey with faith and in God’s love so we could fully understand what is our journey is all about.
sst// 082008
im just posting it right here...for other people to read it and somehow learn from it. -enjoy reading
THE ART OF LETTING GO
by: SweetSexyThing/Happinezs
I could never realize how am gonna face life without the person I loved deeply and who loved me for who I am. That he will never be mine forever. He will marry the girl who will bear his child. And I cannot get him back just like usual break ups because of third party.
She was his girl in his town that I never realized she could ever exist. I didn’t see it coming. Everything was good or so I thought, and we’re happy together for a year or so. We went to work together everyday for 8 to 10 hours a day 24-7. I could not care less if he’s having he’s off once a month to visit his hometown. And I don’t know why I don’t go with him and see his parents every time he invited me to. I was so confident that he loved me so much and he could not find somebody better than me, after all he won my heart over our boss and another two guys he conquer just to have me. We worked together and have fun and love each other everyday in a restobar we were working. Everyday he would receive a note from me, posted on his locker during breaks or on his dtr with a kiss mark on it, when ever our shifts don’t end with the same time. And he would show it me it the next day; it’s like bringing his reports to me, and of course, followed by a sweet kiss not to mention the safest hug ever. And if we got the same schedule together, I would help him dress up and put buttons of his polo and then again end it with a kiss. And he would never eat without me, for God’s sake, even if he hasn’t all day long and we’ll end up eating a large meal together. He took care of me everyday because he told me he’s just thanking me for loving him so much. He was my life that time. You see, that’s my routine. How could I ever forget every inch of him in his suit and his scent during early shifts and during peak hours. I was young, in love and happy. I would not exchange him in anything because I believed that he’s the only thing I got. My happiness and my home. I would not say it’s perfect; I wasn’t really like living a dream, of happy in-love and secure life. But I would never dream of anything but having him by my side and being happy of the few things we have, and I ever believed in contentment at that time. But I could say, I’ve never been happy ever, in a relationship. Some of my past relationships screwed me up. After all, all women dreamt of having a night shining armor that would love and take good care of them. And we’re good until that devastation happened. We never had a closure.
I can’t ever forget the day when one of our co-employees received a text message and out of shock he showed it to me;
“ Pakisabi kay Mark pupunta ako OB Gyne bukas, masakit yung tyan ko, kelangan nyang umuwi “ Michelle
And I can’t believe that I really saw his face go red when he read the message and looked at me as if I could understand what it meant. Then he asks permission from our manager that he needs to go. I really am not sure how my life was after that. We didn’t talk about it. We worked together but we ignored each other as if we don’t know each other. One day he decided to approach me but I thought I don’t deserve to know the whole story like the way he’s faking. All along had I thought that there’s a pregnant girl all the while our relationship was there. Then I decided to quit my job.
He tried to stop me and offered marriage instead. But all I can think is the child, and I cannot deprive the child to grow without a father. Growing and living each day with pain and rejection like me.
When I lost him, I forced myself to live again. I had my new job, changed my lifestyle, moved to a new place and start anew. It was very very hard but I didn’t have a choice. My dignity and I, was the only thing I got that time. I can’t sleep well for months; all I do is cry and cry but prayed, very hard. I even knelt and begged at the altar of a church just to ease the pain. I don’t know how long did I cry and mend. I didn’t realize how long pain stayed in my system. I can’t even turn my head to the boutique where we usually buy his cologne. I can’t go to the places where we usually hang out. I don’t eat the food we usually eat. I tried to cut all the communications to the people that were connected to us. I did everything to forget that part of my life. But the hardest part of it was enjoying the pain in me. Living in pain and believing that it’s easier to get hurt rather fighting for your right to love and be happy. I had loved. Loved a man to the finest way I knew and lost him to the roughest way I ever known. I never thought of loving again. And if I have to, I would give anything to make it last with me, only me.
Nevertheless, I am an abandoned child…I never knew where do I exactly came from and who my parents were, personally. They just left me in a neighbor, a couple who just lost their 17 year old daughter due to heart failure. Can’t you see,” I’m a blessing!” And I grew up in a complete family who took care and love me more than my loser biological parents should have done.
I believe that’s the reason why I cling to a person who gives me time and care. I never dreamed of having the best things in life actually but having somebody with me and making things possible, I know that’s more than enough.
If everybody would think I’m normal and happy, eventually I have a complete family, never did perfect but I was blessed. As I grew older and started to figured out things, pain and loss was my disease. It’s an unwanted feeling of emptiness and rejection which I try to overcome, everyday. Every time I witness heartbreaks, failures, frustrations of other people and mine, fear sucks and it’s eating me. I never knew this cloak of grief would rest on me. I’m the usual girl everybody sees and think of who I am, but there’s more to heal inside of me..I don’t know how this could ever be cured.
Four years flew fast…It’s been four long years since that incident happened. Never had I thought how hard to live each day picking up the broken pieces of me, until one fine day, August 20, 2008, our ways cross again. The man I used to love. We bumped unexpectedly and decided to have a few talk in a coffee shop. God, it was so beautiful! Life is really so mysterious, isn’t it?
I could never feel any pain or regret. All I can see is the man who helped me learn to face the battle of loss and pain. I should have known how it feels good to let go and move on for good. Sometimes we should let ourselves get hurt for a while just to make things right.
But I could still see and feel how guilty he is. I really feel sorry for him deep inside. He said he’s fine, the usual family man but his choice changes his life he said. It wasn’t a bad choice though but he said it’s a thing that an unplanned choices usually broke a man’s direction anyhow..That every single wrong move will never get back your life back again. I wish him faith and happiness of his choices. Everything serves purpose, I realized that very moment.
Loss and pain is just a part of my journey. It was never only about it actually. It’s about how to continue healing and moving forward of where my choices would lead me to. No matter how incomplete we are.. but we still the are ones who are in charge of own happiness, ..our own choices. I also believe finding one true love will heal this disease completely. I know I have so much to give and I will find, in time.
Loving and be loved is everybody’s dream that few could ever find peacefully. We are here for different purposes and missions, everyday we journey building our destiny and looking back every choice we made, and the outcome is what we just deserve.
To those who are lost and in pain, just hold to your deepest desires in this life, for letting go is actually finding something stronger, a beautiful reason why sometimes we need to stop. Every wound heals and leaves scars that tells story. A story that will define us and will motivate us to make our lives even better. We all continue to journey with faith and in God’s love so we could fully understand what is our journey is all about.
sst// 082008
Sunday, 8 February 2009
amazing Sumilon Photos
Click this link: AMAZING DYOWI
These photos are taken by Mr. Dyowi Contreras, he was our guest last January. And his photos were so so Amazing...
if you want to experience SUMILON BLUEWATER ISLAND RESORT...
JUST PM Me:)
These photos are taken by Mr. Dyowi Contreras, he was our guest last January. And his photos were so so Amazing...
if you want to experience SUMILON BLUEWATER ISLAND RESORT...
JUST PM Me:)
Monday, 2 February 2009
25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
(To do this, go to “NOTES” under tabs on your "PROFILE" page (you may have to add the tab by clicking on the + sign), click on "Compose New Message" and paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)
1. I am a photo hobbyist..but sadly i don't have my own camera, i just expressed it with my K800i cybershot phone.
2. I love nature, the greens, waterworks and the countryside.
3.I am so in love with my hometown Baybay, Leyte, and if given a chance I would difinitely live and die there.
4. I love books, I read tagalog, english and visayan books...as long as it is interesting I read them. I have some unread books on hand and some day when I'm old and grey I'll read all of them.
5. I love to watch movies, on DVD's and on cinemas. And I have a little secret, I can go to the movies ALONE, and I don't mind. I even laugh out loud to the heck of those who are with me in the movie house.
6. I can wear an unironed shirt. LOL
7. I don't like to travel...esp. longer land trips... ahhhh...i hate it....
8. I hate to go to Fiestas, I really dunno why.
9. I am so addicted to SWEETS, pastries, cakes, POLVORON...wahhhh love it... chocolates...
10.I can't stand to be up so late, as in 24 hours awake...Gosh...i do prefer the opposite... I can sleep 24 hours...straight...LOL
11.I love the color PURPLE and all shades of it... :) but not all the time that I am going to choose a thing just because it is with that Color...:D...
12.I hate it when my TITA kept on mumbling about Twilight and all its books...waaaaaahhhh every time we met she can't keep talking about it... :D and she knew it....
13.I have been with maribago bluewater beach resort for 5 years almost 6. :D and this is where I had my first JOB as a front office.
14.I hate watching Horror, Suspense and Action Movies...as much as I hate Rock and Alternative Music...wahhhhhhhh
15.I can wear a 3 inches stiletto the whole day... :D
16.I am so so so attached to my friends...:) my college friends, online friends and color friends...i make it sure that I communicate with them once in a while...
17.I'm not a fashion freak...I don't mind wearing an old shirt that I had back in college... I prefer buying a good book for a good read than a new pair of shoes... LOL
18.I don't comb my hair at night... :) i know it's gross but that's me...
19.I am so so addicted to one great actress... MS. EULA VALDES...and I'll fight the world for her for she's a great person...
20.I love to sing...even though I'm out of tune most of the time...
21.I love everything about my Husband :D
22.I am a FAMILY person...i love discovering everything about my family and being with them is HEAVEN
23.I collect STARSTUDIO magazines for 4 straight years...but I stopped...
24.I love Sound of Music...HEHHEHE and I dream of going to Austria because of it....
25. I fidget when I'm nervous and I do get scared in going down in an escalator...with or without a companion
(To do this, go to “NOTES” under tabs on your "PROFILE" page (you may have to add the tab by clicking on the + sign), click on "Compose New Message" and paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)
1. I am a photo hobbyist..but sadly i don't have my own camera, i just expressed it with my K800i cybershot phone.
2. I love nature, the greens, waterworks and the countryside.
3.I am so in love with my hometown Baybay, Leyte, and if given a chance I would difinitely live and die there.
4. I love books, I read tagalog, english and visayan books...as long as it is interesting I read them. I have some unread books on hand and some day when I'm old and grey I'll read all of them.
5. I love to watch movies, on DVD's and on cinemas. And I have a little secret, I can go to the movies ALONE, and I don't mind. I even laugh out loud to the heck of those who are with me in the movie house.
6. I can wear an unironed shirt. LOL
7. I don't like to travel...esp. longer land trips... ahhhh...i hate it....
8. I hate to go to Fiestas, I really dunno why.
9. I am so addicted to SWEETS, pastries, cakes, POLVORON...wahhhh love it... chocolates...
10.I can't stand to be up so late, as in 24 hours awake...Gosh...i do prefer the opposite... I can sleep 24 hours...straight...LOL
11.I love the color PURPLE and all shades of it... :) but not all the time that I am going to choose a thing just because it is with that Color...:D...
12.I hate it when my TITA kept on mumbling about Twilight and all its books...waaaaaahhhh every time we met she can't keep talking about it... :D and she knew it....
13.I have been with maribago bluewater beach resort for 5 years almost 6. :D and this is where I had my first JOB as a front office.
14.I hate watching Horror, Suspense and Action Movies...as much as I hate Rock and Alternative Music...wahhhhhhhh
15.I can wear a 3 inches stiletto the whole day... :D
16.I am so so so attached to my friends...:) my college friends, online friends and color friends...i make it sure that I communicate with them once in a while...
17.I'm not a fashion freak...I don't mind wearing an old shirt that I had back in college... I prefer buying a good book for a good read than a new pair of shoes... LOL
18.I don't comb my hair at night... :) i know it's gross but that's me...
19.I am so so addicted to one great actress... MS. EULA VALDES...and I'll fight the world for her for she's a great person...
20.I love to sing...even though I'm out of tune most of the time...
21.I love everything about my Husband :D
22.I am a FAMILY person...i love discovering everything about my family and being with them is HEAVEN
23.I collect STARSTUDIO magazines for 4 straight years...but I stopped...
24.I love Sound of Music...HEHHEHE and I dream of going to Austria because of it....
25. I fidget when I'm nervous and I do get scared in going down in an escalator...with or without a companion
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