scary reality

THE CHANGES IN MY LIFE ARE OVERWHELMING...the plans that i have for my life went on a total detour...

from my preferences... to my emotianal and physical state... everything changed with just one text message i've received in one lazy evening of June 28, 2007...

it was from my sister Mizziel. it said like this " Ate buntis si Mia, as in buntis jud siya...unsa na gud tawn ni...Buntis gyd sya as in..." i was dumbstruck and lost the moment i got the message.



was it really for me or is it one of those corny jokes that we shared...no this can't be true...

i was trembling when i dialed my sister's mobile...then it was confirmed...



by the noisy background in our conversation...nanay was hysterical, mia was sobbing and my tatay was mumbling words i can't decipher... then it was true... it is true then...



my world suddenly stopped revolving...how could this happen...



Mia is our youngest and I am the eldest...in a proper manner... i should be the one telling them "I am pregnant".... coz i am in the right age, i got a job, and a boyfriend who is more than willing to take my hands in marriage... (infact we were just waiting for the right moment)...

But why her... i could have accepted if it was Mizziel my other sister....or Sunday's (my brother) girlfriend who would tell us that they are bearing a child...

But why her... i still can't fathom it...why???!!! she hasn't enjoyed her teenage life... she hasn't finish college...if she ever have plans of doing this...she could had finish this year (coz she's graduating) and do the heck out of it...



Good thing I wasn't drinking too much espresso that time...or i could have trembled...Good thing John is there to pacify me... i wanna cry...but i was in the middle of the road...We're on our way home then...



From then on...my whole world changed...



i started thinking about that child's future...

i started taking over the responsibility of raising that child, and the idea of having my own started to fade...

i then turned to John and said... "please give me time to plan our wedding...it won't be next year or the next... i dunno" he then told me..." it's alright...i'm willing to wait bei"

i started thinking about my nanay...is she okay by now...how did she took it...

i started to do a quick calculation of the expenses that we might acquire with her delivery and the things that she might need on her pregnancy... will i be able to finance it???

then i realize, there's no way that i could turn my back on them... they're my family and whatever may happen to them...i couldn't bear it...

so i decided... to be strong... take the responsibility...no matter how hard it would be...

i am confident coz i know that God will never leave me behind... i know that this is His will and I don't have the right to disagree...

Just help me Lord!!!